


The Road to Hell

by GlitterSkullFairy



Series: While I'm waiting for series 4 [5]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bickering, Established Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, F/M, Fluff, Is this a plot I see before me?, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-10 01:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15939194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterSkullFairy/pseuds/GlitterSkullFairy
Summary: Chloe starts thinking about the afterlife, and it frightens her, so she comes up with a crazy plan...





	1. Good Morning, Devil

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm not the only one to ask this question, this is just my take on it.  
> Also, the first time I've ever attempted to write plot, so go easy on me. I may be a little short on details.

Lucifer awoke to the touch of cotton sheets and warm skin. And the sound of someone snoring like an Albanian field wench. His heart was thumping fast. He glanced at the alarm clock- five a.m. It wasn’t even light outside, but the dreams were getting worse. He kept waking up at ridiculous hours of the morning, and then failing to get back to sleep. Not that he minded the extra hour or two spent in the Detective’s bed, but he was starting to feel tired and irritable and if he wasn’t careful she was going to start noticing soon.

His mind went back to the dreams. He’d gone to the precinct for a case, but her desk was empty. So he went to the lab and asked Miss Lopez if she’d heard anything, but she had no idea what he was talking about. He tried Daniel next, but the Douche just kept saying he was crazy, he couldn’t even remember his own child. No-one remembered Chloe. Someone else was living in her apartment. He’d run all over the city, to all the places they’d been, but there was no sign of her. 

Before that he’d dreamed that she leapt off the balcony and fell _upwards_. He couldn’t catch her fast enough, and then shackles appeared on his feet, chaining him to the earth. He kept reaching but he could not break the bonds, and she kept drifting further out of his reach. He didn’t need Linda to analyse that one. Oh, and let’s not forget the one where he was on the stage at Dan’s improv club. There were strings attached to his wrists, going all the way up to Heaven, and Dad kept tugging them to make him perform. He shuddered. Okay, at least _try_ and forget that one.

He held onto Chloe more tightly. It was all going so well. Romance, work, sex, cuddling, more sex… Even spending time with her daughter was becoming more tolerable. But as much as he wanted to just sit back and enjoy his time with her, he still felt his Father’s manipulations like a rope around his neck. He never knew when the cart was going to pulled out from under him and leave him dancing the Tyburn jig.

The wench snorted and then went quiet. Soft hands slid over his scarred, crimson arms where they wrapped around her. The first time he had changed in bed had been quite accidental, but strangely she didn’t seem bothered by it. The second time, he had asked rather tentatively if she wouldn’t mind, and she assured him it didn’t matter. She touched him differently in his monstrous form, more tenderly, more intensely. Sometimes she even asked him to change, and she would look at his flaming eyes with so much emotion, and make him love to him so passionately that he almost forgot what a monster he really was. Almost. He had to stay in complete control so as not to hurt her, in case the fire that coursed through his veins ran too hot and burned her.

But sleeping like this was everything. No madness, no breaking, no leaping off high buildings. Just the Devil and his Detective, snuggling, because she accepted him completely, even like this.

She turned to kiss his shoulders and there was a pleasant murmur from her throat. His own voice joined it as she wiggled around to face him. “Good morning, Detective.” 

“Good morning, Devil.” He stretched, tangling his long legs into hers. She traced her fingers over the furrows that ran up his forehead, across creased cheeks and down the cleft in his chin. She did it often enough that it was becoming a kind of ritual, but it still made him shiver every time. Maybe the noose wasn’t so bad. 

Chloe smiled and kissed him, then rested her head on his chest. “Can we stay like this forever?” she asked.

The rope tugged at his neck. She heard his breath catch. “I really wish that we could,” He sighed. “But forever is a long time and you might get hungry. And I think that your offspring might need feeding too.” It was a brave attempt at humour, but she knew it was an evasion. Luckily for her, she was experienced in interrogation.

“Not for a while yet,” she pressed him. “This is too heavenly.”

He grunted. “Are you deliberately trying to ruin the mood?”

“Lucifer, you’re forgetting how well I know you. You’re hiding something. Now spill.”

He flopped away from her, onto his back. “I’m not hiding anything. I’m just trying very hard not to think about it.”

“That never works,” she said as she shook her head. “Like if I say ‘try not to think about an elephant’ you end up thinking about an elephant.”

“Why on earth would you want me to think of an elephant?”

Cue the eye-roll. “It’s just a… nevermind. I know that something about us is bothering you, and if you don’t tell me, then I can’t fix it.”

“You can’t fix it either way, so perhaps it’s best you just stop worrying about it.” He even patted her shoulder gently as he said it.

“Sometimes you can be so condescending I just want to slap you. And not in the fun way.” She propped herself up on an elbow to give him a stern look. “I’ve lost count of how many times I keep saying this, but you can tell me anything. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

He shut his eyes tightly. “But you are. Eventually. Not your fault, though, it happens to everyone.”

“You think I’m going to leave you?”

He looked at her. “Not by choice. But you’re mortal, and good. The time will come when you go somewhere I can’t follow.”

 _Oh, that._ She nodded, slowly, not knowing what to say. When he talked about it after Charlotte, she just brushed it off as more Luciferness. Then she found out and everything changed, and even though her world was suddenly upside down she’d just been too happy to even think about death. Maybe she should have listened and just shut up. She ran her fingers over his head again. “Then we better make the most of the time that we have.” It was a lame answer, but it was better than nothing.

He smiled a little, and kissed her. Waking up this early had its advantages, they had at least an hour before anyone had to get out of bed. So he made the most of it, once as he was and then again with skin on. Then a third time in the shower. And the beginnings of a plan formed in the Detective’s mind, because there was no way that she was going to spend eternity without him.


	2. Sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at work, Chloe starts to put her plan into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot? Plot!? _What was I thinking?_

They got a call from work during breakfast, so Chloe hurried her daughter along and they dropped her off at school on the way. In fact, it was _out_ of the way, and it was going to take her ages to drive across town to the crime scene. She pulled away and waited until they were on a more open stretch of road, then glanced at Lucifer in the passenger seat. Gripping the steering wheel tightly, she put her foot down. The engine roared. Her eyes flicked to the speedometer- _she_ would have pulled herself over. But it wasn’t so bad, she could do this.

Lucifer laughed. “Clearly I need to wake you up early more often, if this is what getting shagged three times before breakfast does to you.”

Chloe just bobbed her head and focussed on the road. The point was to be less good, but she wasn’t about to let anyone get hurt through carelessness.

She pulled up at the address she’d been given, a fairly respectable apartment block, but nothing too fancy. The elevator took them to the third floor and they stepped through the yellow tape around the door. 

They greeted Ella, who was there first, as usual. She was examining the body, which was collapsed by the kitchen counter. “Rosa Moon, thirty-six year old homemaker. Cause of death: two gunshot wounds to the chest. Older bruises present on the face and wrists, most likely more under her clothes, but we’ll see when we get her to the morgue. Poor Rosa.” 

Chloe looked around the apartment. Apart from a body and a large pool of blood the place was incredibly clean and tidy. “No signs of a break in or even a struggle. Which meant Rosa knew her attacker. The bruises suggest an abusive partner, but the gunshots don’t. A crime of passion usually happens with whatever was nearest, which in the kitchen would probably mean a stabbing. This was planned; whoever did it just walked in and shot her.”

“And ruined a perfectly lovely dress,” Lucifer noted. The victim wore dark green velvet, high necked and long sleeved, but form-fitting. Silver jewelry twinkled against it. “She looks like she was ready for a date.”

“Or had just come back from one,” Ella corrected. “Make-up’s not that fresh. Which means the sicko who gave her those bruises may have been really mad when she got home.”

“But she didn’t even had sex. Why shoot her because of a night out?”

“How can you tell? No wait, because it’s you. We won’t know for sure about the sex until she’s been fully examined.”

“I’d put money on it. If she had sex and managed to maintain that hair-do it must have been the dullest sex since creation.”

“So she goes out to dinner, gets back and husband’s just waiting there with a gun?” Chloe asked.

“No, not quite. If he’d shot her as she came in, her body would be by the door. But it’s conceivable that dinner was enough to make him mad, this place is clean, like control-freak clean. She came in, took off her shoes, dropped her purse on the counter. Maybe woke the guy up, and he comes in, and they argue or whatever, and then, BAM.”

“BAM BAM,” the Detective corrected. “Two shots.”

Her eyes wandered along a collection of sparkling crystal pieces on the mantelpiece and came to rest on the wedding photo. Suddenly the gun didn’t seem so out of place. “The husband’s military. We need to find him.” Making sure no-one was looking, she picked up one of the crystals and put it in her pocket.

 

The case progressed without too many surprises. Neighbours were questioned- they had heard the shots late last night, but stayed inside. The gentleman across the hallway opened the door in a pair of yoga pants, a man-bun, and nothing else. Chloe let her eyes wander over his lean, toned body as Dan went through the standard questions. Lucifer lingered down the hall, looking at something on his phone. Apparently this part of the process was far too boring. She chuckled to herself, touching her hair and looking up at Mr. Yoga. The Devil would no doubt have appreciated him too. Unfortunately, the man didn’t have anything useful to add, so they wouldn’t be bringing him to the station. She handed him her card “just in case he remembered anything,” with her most flirtatious look. Mr. Yoga and Dan shared an awkward glance, Chloe’s idea of flirting had not improved since dating Lucifer.

They made their way back to the precinct. Ella went to examine various samples of things that might be something helpful, but probably weren’t. Dan headed to his computer to look for more information on the husband and/or Rosa’s date, and Chloe… Chloe decided to try slacking off. After less than ten minutes of fiddling with a pen and browsing Reddit she was bored. Lucifer sat across from her, his feet up on her desk, still tapping on his phone. She stared at him, with his pristine suit and hair just so, and the perfectly edged lines of his stubble. He was leaning back in his chair, looking so incredibly long, like a cat. This morning’s activities had been more than satisfactory, but she felt herself flush nonetheless. She just watched him, imagining him naked. Imagined climbing into his lap. 

He looked up at her, as if he sensed it. Perhaps he did. Desire was one of his superpowers, after all. She met his gaze and took a deep breath.

He tilted his head. “What, more?”

She nodded, licking her lips.

“Right now?” She stood, tapped at his feet, and let him follow her to the storage closet. When Lucifer emerged twenty minutes later, he was looking ever so slightly less pristine. Chloe took a moment to retie her ponytail where he’s pulled it loose, and then went in search of something to take the taste of Devil out of her mouth.

 

She had just dropped the carton in the trash and the spoon in the dishwasher when Dan arrived in the break area looking for his lunch. Lucifer following close behind, trying to persuade him of the benefits of whatever he’d been looking at on his phone all morning. “Honestly, it’ll be an education for you. The things that go on in people’s heads...” 

“Dude, seriously,” Dan moaned as he opened the fridge, “I thought you’d decided to stop taking my pudding!”

“It wasn’t me!” Lucifer protested, hand to his chest and expression innocent.

“Then who was it?”

Chloe wiped the corners of her mouth and they stared at her. She looked from one to the other. “What? I was hungry.”

“You could have asked.”

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Douche.”

Dan grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her to one side, his brows arched. “Really? What is with you today?”

She groaned. “Nothing. Maybe I’m just bored of being miss goody two shoes.”

He shook his head. “Uh-uh. You’re being weird. And mean.”

“Okay, so I’m having a bad day.” She rubbed at her temple. “I had a fight with Lucifer this morning.” 

“When you say a fight, you mean something more than your usual banter?”

“I dunno. It’s just something he said really upset me.”

His face softened with concern. “Have you talked to him about it?”

She made a non-committal head gesture.

“Look, I’ll stay with Trixie tonight, you go over to Lux so you and your boyfriend can sort things out.” He wasn’t exactly pleased about the romantic developments in her relationship with Lucifer, but he also knew it had been kind of inevitable. He just wanted her to be happy. “This isn’t you, Chloe.”

“Okay. Thanks.” She surprised him with a hug. “But I’m starting to get the impression that fixing this is not going to be as easy as I thought.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Managed to avoid the smut. Only just.


	3. Shots

Dan’s research paid off, he managed to trace a number on the victim’s phone to a private investigator who confirmed that the husband had requested his services, and that he had taken Rosa out on a date (just dinner, as Lucifer had said) and reported back via text. So now they had motive, but without the murder weapon it would all be circumstantial. The apartment and surrounding area were still being searched, but there was no sign of it yet.

Chloe had run out of slacking off ideas, and gone back to her paperwork when her phone with an unrecognised number. It was Mr. Yoga (whose real name was actually Vince) having suddenly remembered helping the suspect move some old things into a storage locker a few weeks ago. She thanked him and took the address.

Lucifer went with her to the unit, in spite of the fact that this was turning out to be the most boring case in history. The husband was clearly just another violent prick, the kind he’d spent millenia overseeing. On the other hand, it was an opportunity to watch the Detective’s back, both figuratively and literally, which was always a pleasure.

“That’s weird,” Chloe commented as they approached the container. “It’s shut but not bolted.”

“Perhaps the miscreant is hiding inside,” he whispered, bending towards her ear.

“It’s possible. He’s still missing.” She looked at him. “The unis will be on their way, you think we should wait?”

“I’m game if you are,” he smirked.

She pulled out her gun and tilted her head towards the door. Lucifer grinned as he rolled it up with a loud crash. The unit was full of boxes and old furniture, it would be easy for someone to be hiding in there. She carefully scanned for any movement as she walked through the piles. Her partner loitered behind her, for once in his life realising that this was a good time to keep his mouth shut. It didn’t last. He stopped by a fat, ornamental cherub. “This has to be one of the ugliest pieces of-”

“Lucifer!” she hissed.

“No, seriously, I mean who buys this rubbish?”

“My wife,” said an angry voice behind him.

Lucifer felt cold metal pressed into the back of his head. “Detective, I think you better run.”

She spun and turned her weapon on Mr. Moon. “No, I’m not going anywhere. I’m the one who does the arresting, remember?”

“Yes, but he can’t me hurt me if-”

“Do we seriously need to have this argument every single time a suspect pulls out a gun?”

“Only if you keep refusing to get to a safe distance!”

The suspect shot at the ceiling, bringing down a shower of dust, and grabbed Lucifer around the neck. “What the Hell is with you guys?” 

“LAPD! Drop the gun!” the Detective commanded. “This is only going to get worse for you if you shoot my partner. We have back-up on the way.”

“She’s telling the truth, you know, Detective Douche was just-”

She gritted her teeth. “ _Shut up,_ Lucifer!”

“Lucifer?” Mr. Moon tensed, seeming to get even more angry. “Are you telling me this guy named himself after the Devil?” Because of course the dull-witted wife-beater was also a religious nut.

Lucifer raised his eyebrows in question at the Detective. She gave a half-smile. 

“No. This guy really is the Devil. What do you think he’ll do to you if you try and shoot him?”

He hesitated, then pointed at Chloe. 

“Now see, that’s an even worse idea because I’m also the Devil’s girlfriend.”

He took a deep breath and let it out in a stream of expletives, pointing out what a worthless piece of filth she was. Luckily, he was angry enough to loosen his grip. Lucifer took the opportunity to elbow him in the gut and then punch him in the face, though it was not the wisest move as he was still holding the gun. As he staggered backwards he pulled the trigger and a shot whizzed over Chloe’s shoulder. Lucifer grabbed his wrist in one hand and pushed it wide, putting the other on his neck to shove him up against an old wardrobe. “Don’t insult the Devil’s girlfriend!” he roared.

Chloe was breathing heavily as she took the suspect’s weapon, but she managed to read him his rights and cuff him just as Dan arrived with back up. That was too close. She was good at her job, but there was always a chance that things could go wrong, and if that happened before she’d tipped the scales… Well, she would just have to up her game.

They took him back to the station, but he wasn’t saying anything except that he wanted a lawyer, and how the wicked would burn in Hell. He refused to even look at Lucifer, whose response of “Been there, done that” only served to aggravate the idiot’s religious sensibilities and sent him into a rant. After half an hour of poorly quoted Bible verses, all taken out of context, Lucifer was just about ready to punch him again. The maggot reminded him too much of Dad, hurting the people he was supposed to love, and then crowing about how what he was doing was righteous. It was at this point that his lawyer arrived and “suggested” that as the consultant was clearly causing her client great distress, perhaps it would be better if he left and someone more qualified took over.

Lucifer snarled, muttered and went home. The evening was rapidly moving towards night, so he stopped in the club. Music and light, beauty and pleasure- it did a wonderful job of restoring his equilibrium. And of course a glass of fine whisky in his hand. He basked in it for a while, just as he basked in the attention of the lovely ladies and gentlemen who flocked around him. They begged him for a song, and he agreed gladly. He enjoyed it so much he played a few more.

 

Having given up on trying to get anything useful out of the abusive idiot Chloe made her way to Lux. They had the gun, which would no doubt be a match to the victim’s wounds and more than enough to put him away for a long time. She had other things to worry about. She fingered the crystal in her pocket as she watched Lucifer at the piano. Being bad was hard work, and stressful, and she needed to unwind. But after this afternoon, she couldn’t give up. Maybe if she could just relax in a less virtuous way. She was literally in the Devil’s lair, after all.

“Shots!” she called to the barman as she dumped her purse and took a seat. “For the love of… somebody, please, lots of shots.” She didn’t even look up as they appeared in a line in front of her, one by one, in a rainbow of colour. She smiled. This part might be fun.

She didn’t drink them all at once, but sat and listened to Lucifer’s songs. It was fun for a while. Red and orange were good. She was a little unsure about the yellow one. Green was awful and blue was disgusting. By the time she got to purple she couldn’t even taste it anymore. The room was definitely spinning. 

Then he was there, her angel of light, walking towards her. She started to get up but then decided it might not be such a good idea. Her legs didn’t seem to be working quite right. He caught her as she stumbled a little and she threw her arms around his neck. “Hey, my Devil!” she drawled happily. Lucifer raised an eyebrow at the barman.

“I’m really sorry, boss, I think I broke your girlfriend.”

“Not to worry,” he smiled. “She’s a big enough girl to make her own choices. Though I think I better get her upstairs before she does anything I regret.” He managed to get her into a vertical position, leaning into his side, and guided her up the steps to the elevator. She was kissing and groping him drunkenly before the doors had fully shut. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant. But something was definitely amiss.

She staggered into the penthouse with her arms flailing. “Drugs! I need drugs! Where are they?”

“Detective.” His voice was stern.

“Lucifer.”

“I can’t believe that I’m actually saying this, but perhaps in this case drugs are not the solution to your problem.”

“I can’t believe it either.” She wobbled a pointed finger in his general direction. “You love drugs.”

“Yes, I do, but you do not. You’ve not been yourself today. In fact, if I didn’t know better I’d say you were trying to be me.”

“Kind of.” Her eyes went wide. “I remember!” She stumbled towards the bedside cabinet and pulled out a box. He caught up to her as she opened it and started holding up various bags for a better look. “These look like candy.” She chuckled. “Not that kind of Candy. Not pink enough.”

“That’s not… NO!” He sat next to her on the floor and snatched the bags out of her hands. “Bad Detective!” His face dropped and he stared at her as she sat swaying. “Is that what this is? You’re trying to be bad?”

She flung her arms around him again, sending the contents of the box sliding all over the floor. “I’m not going anywhere without you,” she declared stubbornly. “So I decided to stop being good.”

He sighed and stroked her hair. “You’re drunk. You’re not thinking straight. I suggest we get you to bed and we can talk about it properly in the morning.” He lifted her carefully and pulled off her boots before tucking her in.

“You’re not joining me?” She sounded disappointed.

“Haven’t you had enough today already?”

She ran a thumb over his stubble. “You’re too good to me.”

“There’s precious few people who would call me ‘good’ Detective, but I’m glad that you’re one of them.” He walked to the other room and came back with a bottle of water. “Drink this, I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.”

She sipped her water. “Will you sing for me again?”

“What, like a lullaby?” he chuckled.

“Please?”

“Okay, but only if you promise not to tell anyone. And drink that water first, you’ll thank me in the morning.” He hummed a strange and haunting melody as she drank. He didn’t know why this particular song jumped into his head, he’d first heard it about a hundred years ago. When she lay back down on the pillow, he sang.

Sleep my love, and peace attend thee  
All through the night;  
Guardian angels God will lend thee,  
All through the night,  
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,  
Hill and vale in slumber steeping,  
I my loving vigil keeping,  
All through the night.

Angels watching ever round thee,  
All through the night,  
In thy slumbers close surround thee,  
All through the night,  
They should of all fears disarm thee,  
No forebodings should alarm thee,  
They will let no peril harm thee,  
All through the night.

After almost choking on the guardian angel bit, it seemed rather fitting in an ironic sort of way. Especially after today. He would keep her safe, both now and for eternity, whatever the cost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't claim any credit for the lullaby, it's a traditional Welsh song. For more information check out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ar_Hyd_y_Nos


	4. Good Intentions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It all gets rather epic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks again to FluffyGlitterPantsDragon for some advice with this chapter, I went a bit crazy. It turns out plot is actually hard work. :P  
> Thank you to everyone else who is taking this journey with me, I hope you are enjoying it!

The headache to which Chloe woke up seemed like proper punishment for her actions the day before. She wanted to go back to sleep, but a glance at the clock told her that she better get up because she was certainly not going to be moving at her fastest this morning. She looked down. Of course, she must have thrown all her clothes off in the night again. At least this time she wasn’t worried about Lucifer seeing her naked. 

He was pressed up against her back, spooning her, an arm around her waist. She felt so safe and warm, so perfect. Then the memory of yesterday hit her and the fear of being without him twisted inside her gut. She needed a better plan. Small sins just weren’t working, it was like a constant pressure inside her head, trying to be something that she was not. So maybe what she needed was one big thing, something that would make her feel guilty enough to keep her out of the good place. Then she’d have to live with it, which would suck, but the alternative was worse.

She always thought that death was just when everything ceased. When she married Dan, “til death do us part” wasn’t so scary because it just meant an end. Now she knew different, death was only the beginning of _forever_. Eternity, in a city her Devil couldn’t enter, with all the brothers and sisters who’d abandoned him, with his dick of a Father, the one who had hurt him the most. Just no. She was definitely _not_ going to Heaven. But how? Her head was so fuzzy, she still couldn’t think clearly. 

She opened her eyes a bit more and noticed he’d left another full bottle of water beside the bed, along with two pills and a note which said. “These are the good, legal pills which will help the headache you’re no doubt going to have when you wake. I’ve hidden the bad kind extremely well so don’t even bother looking.” Underneath the writing there was a picture of what appeared to be two stick figures going at it doggy style. One had a pony tail and circular boobs and the other had horns and an unusually large rooster, which you could see quite clearly because he was in the bottom position. She chuckled to herself (which made her wince with extra pain) and swallowed the pills with half the bottle of water before she registered he’d also left her the silver flask. She unscrewed the lid, but one sniff was enough for her know that it was not going to help her situation.

Lucifer sat up behind her and went to take it from her hand. “I suppose if you don’t want it, it’d be a shame for it to go to waste.” 

She tried to hold it out of his reach, but his arms were too long and he won with hardly any effort. She grumbled and flopped back down, covering her face with her hands. 

“That bad, is it?” he asked without any real sympathy.

“I just want to curl up somewhere warm and soft and sleep all day.”

“How about under a pair of wretched angel wings?” he suggested, rolling onto his front and spreading them over her.

“Holy shit, Satan!” she squealed and buried her face in the pillow. “Put those things away before my eyes explode.”

“You’re forgetting they also have divine healing powers.”

“I don’t care, they’re way too bright.” She felt the luminescence depart as he hid them again. “Besides, I think I deserve to suffer today.”

“So your hangover is penance is it? You haven’t done anything to deserve this, Detective, or any other kind of suffering.”

“Then I need to work harder.”

“So that you don’t end up in Heaven?” he sighed, and she nodded into black silk. “Well, as a plan it has a few major flaws. The biggest of which being we both end up in Hell.”

“As soon as you think of a better idea, let me know,” she huffed and stood up. “I’m going to go take a really hot shower.”

Lucifer’s shower, like everything else he owned, was of the highest quality. The steam worked wonders for head, reducing the pain significantly if not completely as she considered her options. She couldn’t hurt any of the people she cared about, that was an absolute no. She didn’t think she could hurt anyone else for that matter, not unless they really deserved it. Even then, doing something that would risk putting her prison was too much. There was no way she was going to put Trixie through that. Which left betraying her principles. That she could probably manage. She stomped about finding the spare clothes she kept there and got ready for work. 

Lucifer made her a mug of coffee, also of the highest quality, and she sipped it grudgingly while he took his turn in the shower and the wardrobe. The fact that he hadn’t been following her about all morning with raunchy suggestions was unusual. She missed her shadow, it was too quiet without his incessant chatter. “Are you avoiding me now?” she asked as he emerged, tall dark and beautiful.

“What makes you think that?” No denial, which meant yes.

“Because you are.”

“I just thought you might appreciate a bit of space. Before I get anything else wrong.”

She got up and hugged him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so horrible. Forgive me?”

“I’m not normally the forgiving type, but as it’s you…” he kissed her.

“Thank you. You want a ride into work?”

“There’s one or two things I need to sort out here, first. I’ll meet you there.”

She agreed, picked up her things and kissed him goodbye.

He paced up and down, thinking. His plan was a long-shot, and might not work out well, but it was better than the Detective’s. He drained his flask, refilled it and tucked it back in his pocket. The he pulled out his phone and called big brother.

“Lucifer? What’s wrong?”

“Why do you assume something’s wrong?”

“Because you never, ever call me on the phone. And you only ever summon me when-”

“Yes, yes, I’m a terrible little brother who uses you but that’s not exactly news is it? Anyway, I have a question for you. Purely theoretical, of course.”

“Go on…” his voice was curious but cautious.

“That mark of Cain thing you did, any chance you might be able to do it again?”

“Riiiiiight…” There was a pause as he thought. “I was wondering when these questions were going to start coming up.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Luci, don’t you think I’ve asked the same kind of things myself?”

“You? Why would you care?”

“You want to keep her alive, keep her with you, but it doesn't work that way. When I fell in love in Linda, before I got my wings back-” 

_“How can you even compare…?”_ he breathed, but Amenadiel continued.

“-You’re not the only one who’s loved a mortal. You think that you’re the only one who knows what love feels like?”

Lucifer’s voice went quiet. “On the contrary, brother. You all appear to have  
an abundance of it, but all I get are the scraps. Which is why I’m not letting go so easily. Will it work or not?”

“I’m sorry, Luci, but I don’t think it will. It was more of a package from Father, I was just the delivery guy. Without His intent and power behind it, it wouldn’t hold.”

“So you won’t even try?”

“Luci, even if I could, I would not without His command, like last time. Humans aren't meant to live like that. There's a reason it's a _curse,_ not a blessing. After a few thousand years, she would no longer be the woman you love.”

“But she’s already a miracle, we don’t know what it will do to her. Besides, it can’t be worse than her other plan.”

“She’s still human, that much time on earth… it would break her.”

“Cain didn’t seem too broken.”

 _“Cain_ tried to kill us both! He was broken from the beginning!”

“Well, if you won’t help me, I suppose I’ll just have to keep a close eye on her until she gets over this.”

“Gets over what?”

Not a question he wanted to get into with Amenadiel. So he just hung up.

 

When Lucifer arrived at the precinct, she wasn’t at her desk. Taking a deep breath and reassuring himself that his recent nightmare couldn’t possibly be coming to life, he went over to see Dan. “No sign of the Detective yet?” he asked pleasantly, perching on the edge of his desk and finding something to fiddle with just to annoy him. “She left before I did, I thought she’d be here by now.” Because it also never hurt to rub Daniel’s face in the fact that he was bedding the Douche’s ex-wife.

Dan barely twitched. “Good morning to you too. She was here, I think she was headed to the lab.”

Lucifer dropped the fidget and walked off. 

“You’re welcome!” Dan called after him.

Ella was pacing about the lab, pressing her hands together in a very agitated state. “Has the Detective been in?” Lucifer asked, peering around the door.

She grabbed him by the wrist, pulled him inside and shut the door. “I don’t know, but Lucifer, I have a big problem and I need your help.”

He looked at her, noticing her distress. “What’s happened?”

“Promise you’ll help me?”

“Of course. We can talk terms later.”

Ella rolled her eyes, but didn’t argue. This was serious enough to warrant a blank cheque to the Devil. “The gun’s missing.”

“Which gun?”

“The gun that was pointed at the back of your head yesterday? The one piece of evidence that guarantees that Mr. Evil Abusive Asshole gets sent behind bars? The gun that was supposed to be in my custody and I could get fired if anyone finds out that I let it go missing?”

“Oh, that gun. Do you think someone might have taken it?”

“Well yeah, unless it grew legs- or wings, I guess that’s fashionable around here these days.” She leaned her elbows on the worktop. “I am so totally screwed.”

Lucifer thought, hands in pockets. “Has Chloe been in?”

“You asked that already. I guess… Yeah, I saw her leaving just before I got here. Wait, you don’t think she’d take it? Why…?”

“Because she’s got a ridiculous notion that she doesn’t want to go to Heaven and she’s trying to be bad enough to get put in Hell.”

Ella stood up, her mouth hanging open. “Dude, that’s totally crazy! We better find her, like right now.”

“I’ll drive. You can help me track her phone.”

 

They found her at the end of the pier, staring out to sea, loose strands of hair dancing in the wind. He had thought last night was just a temporary blip, her way of trying to deal with the realisation. But now he could see she was really considering going through with it. Considering, but still hesitating. Because she knew that she was about to do something very wrong, and in spite of everything she still wasn’t certain.

Lucifer approached her slowly. “Detective…”

She turned just long enough to see the two of them, then looked down at her hands. She was holding the gun, still in a bag marked for evidence. “All I have to do is throw this thing out to sea, a murderer goes free and… and then I don’t have to say goodbye.” Her voice cracked at the last word.

“You don’t want that, believe me.”

“Why not!” she cried angrily, and he stopped in his tracks. “Dying is one thing, but sitting on some cloud for eternity, never being able to see you again, constantly surrounded by reminders of you? I’m not sure which is worse.”

He bit back the urge to correct her on the cloud issue. “Trust me, Hell is worse.” 

She clutched the evidence bag to her chest. “But your Dad’s in heaven.”

“Yes. And so is yours.” He heard her whimper quietly. Maybe family was the way to make her understand. “What about your daughter?”

She hesitated. “What about her?”

“She’ll die one day too. Do you think she’ll be happy to get to Heaven and find you’re not there?”

“She’ll be okay,” Chloe nodded slowly, trying to persuade herself.

“What if she wasn’t?” He took another step and gestured towards her. “What if she was influenced by your choices and decided to join you down there?”

“No!” She whirled to face him, her features crumpled. “No, she couldn’t… she wouldn’t… I can’t let that happen.”

“No, you wouldn’t. Nor will I let it happen to you.” Another step. “It’s Hell, Chloe. You would suffer immeasurably.” 

“But you’re the Devil, you could protect me!”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. Hell feeds on your own guilt. When I went back there, I couldn’t even protect myself. I’d still be there if it weren’t for Mum.” He breathed a painful sigh. “And if you do this, I would blame myself. If we were there together… well let’s just say it would be very bad indeed for both of us.” Because the worst Hell-loop he could imagine would be to watch her suffer, and his guilt would make it happen over and over again. He moved beside her. “Please, give me the bag, Detective. We _will_ look for another way. I promise I will do everything in my power to stay with you…” _Oh, no..._ he thought, as he realised what he had just said.

She handed him the gun. Finally, Chloe gave him a gun, and she didn’t even realise it. He gestured to Ella, who took it from him and put it in her bag as the Detective collapsed into his arms, sobbing.

Lucifer turned his face upwards. “Well played, Dad. Well played indeed.” A war was raging inside him, between his hatred of his Father and his love for Chloe. After everything that had been done to him, he wasn’t sure he could do it. He’d been angry too long. He still was. And finally seeing Dad’s purpose, seeing how he’d been manipulated into this position, only made it worse. 

But then she looked up at him. Her face was streaked with tears and her lip still trembled a little. Love won.

There was only one option left. He scoffed, held her cheeks and kissed her head. “How is it you make me do all kinds of inconceivable things?” he whispered. “Go with Miss Lopez, she’ll look after you. This might take a while.”

Chloe wiped at her face, a little confused, but she took Ella’s hand and received exactly the hug that she needed.

Lucifer watched them for a moment, knowing the risk he was about to take. It might as well be here, Dad would probably appreciate the extra shame of doing it with an audience. He dropped to his knees, arms wide in surrender. “I’m sorry!” he shouted, staring at the sky. “Does that make you happy? I can’t say I was wrong, but I can throw myself at Your feet and beg for Divine Mercy. Not for me, but for her.” He dropped his hands, prostrating himself until his face was pressed to the ground. “Is this what you wanted? Was this the plan?” His voice was ragged with fury. “To make me desperate enough to come begging?” 

Chloe couldn’t watch, she hid her face on her friend’s shoulder. Ella didn’t know what to do, but she did have an idea who to call. “Rae-Rae,” she whispered. “I need you. Your brother needs you.” 

Azrael appeared as if from nowhere, and Ella just pointed at Lucifer on the ground. The Angel of Death ran to her brother, kneeling next to him. “What are you thinking?” she demanded.

“That I’m not going to let the Detective damn herself on my account,” he replied, without lifting his face.

Azrael looked back at Ella. “Call Amenadiel too. He can help.” And then she too fell face down on the dirty floor. 

The Devil raised his face just enough to see his sister was lying across from him. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Lucifer, you’re such a dork,” Azrael chided, grabbing his hand in her own. “We’re not letting you do this alone. Just keep praying.”

Ella implored Amenadiel to come, assuring him it was no joke this time, and then was there. In his dress/robes. And the world stood still.

Seagulls hung suspended in the air, banners stood out sideways in a breeze that no longer moved and the crowd that was starting to stare at them froze, their faces fixed in disgust or pity. The most eerie thing was the silence. Even the waves stopped roaring. No human had ever seen this before, the moments between moments. But Amenadiel wasn’t the same angel anymore. He’d come back stronger.

“What’s going on?” he demanded of the quivering women.

“I think…” Chloe began, wiping tears away. “I think he’s begging to be let back into Heaven. For me.”

There was a flicker where time resumed for a fraction of a second as Amenadiel took a beat to process. He’d never even considered that it was a possibility. To have his brother home again… it would probably drive him crazy, but the idea still made him want to smile. Maybe Lucifer had been punished enough. Maybe he and Dad would make up and they could all be a family again… No, that could never happen. Lucifer would never be the obedient, submissive son Dad wanted. But if this was the plan all along, then perhaps Dad wanted him back anyway. If that was true, then a truce of sorts might be possible. 

Lucifer was his test. Lucifer was also his brother. A reckless, rebellious, pain in the ass, but still a brother. So the firstborn of all the angels knelt between his younger siblings, putting his hands together in supplication. 

His voice rose up in a beautiful language that the humans could not understand. It had a musical quality, like a kind of chant, and Azrael’s voice blended into it. They could not see the Devil’s face, but they could see his back and shoulders shaking with anger and grief. It was all too surreal- the chanting, the timelessness, _Lucifer weeping_ ; Chloe had no way of knowing how long she watched it, except that her legs and feet were aching, and still there was no response. How could He do this to his own son? 

Her head started to shake, side to side, as if on its own, the movement growing until she spoke. “No. No!” She stepped towards them, looking up at the sky. “No, this is not okay! He’s your son! How can you do all this? How can you not hear him?”

Behind her, Ella’s eyes went wide and she swayed on her feet. “Yes!” she whispered. She approached the group, slowly, hands held out in front of her. “I hear him, Detective.”

She turned. Ella’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, and with another kind of light. “I hear him and it breaks my heart.”

The angels stopped their chanting, and Amenadiel looked at her in wonder. “Dad?”

“Miss Lopez has agreed to be my prophet, but I can’t stay long or it will damage her,” she explained. Or He. 

It was a good thing Chloe had been practising her compartmentalising so much recently. She was becoming much more adaptable. Don’t think about the fact that your friend has just been possessed by God. It’s just Lucifer’s dad, and he’s a dick and he needs to be told as much. “Do you have any idea how much you have hurt him?”

“I do. He’s the most resilient of all my children. Anyone else would have broken.”

“But to abandon him like that? To turn all his siblings against him? Not talking to him in _forever?_ ”

“If I had time to make you understand, believe me I would. But I’m here for my son.” She/He knelt before Lucifer, touching his hand, applying just enough pressure to suggest that he rise without saying anything. The Devil’s eyes were burning, his lips tight. Ella/Dad went to wipe the tears from his cheek and he switched, saltwater evaporating on scorched skin, showing her/Him the damage He’d done. They didn’t flinch, but His own tears were let loose and ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

Lucifer scoffed. “Why do I find that hard so hard to believe?”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to talk to you, Lucifer?”

“You seem to be managing it now that I’ve fallen on my knees.”

“You’re not the only one kneeling. I have spent the last two thousand years or so trying to get your attention, every time you visit earth. You seem to take great delight in trying to seduce all my messengers, but I suppose I should have expected that.”

“What messengers? The only message I remember was being repeatedly told to go back to Hell!”

She/He turned and looked at Chloe. “She’s not the first, you know, she’s not even the only one here now. There’s others in Paris, London, New York… I had to let you choose.” When Lucifer stared at Him blankly, he continued. “Yes, this was the plan, but not like you think. Gabriel prepared the first messenger, but you just ended up arguing scripture and theology with him in the desert. After that I sent your many of your siblings with blessings, to make messengers who would show you love- artists, writers, composers- all to help you to understand. I was never going to force you into anything, so I had to keep trying. I almost thought it was going to work with Oscar, who loved you so dearly, but you still went back.”

“Oscar?” His face softening, skin returning, though his eyes remained red. 

Azrael sat up, with a little smile. “I got to do the blessing that time, about a hundred and sixty years ago. The winter in Ireland was cold though.”

“Wilde? That was you? But it wasn’t like the Detective, he wasn’t immune to me, he didn’t make me vulnerable.”

“He was immune, you just won him over with your charms, completely naturally.” Ella/Dad explained. “The vulnerability only happened when you let it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me there were others?” he asked Azrael.

She pulled a face. “I didn’t know that you didn’t know.”

Amenadiel was also looking a little less sure of himself. “I thought I was the only one. You never told me what it was all about. You never told me to stop taking him back. Did I get it wrong?”

The prophet of God reached out and gently touched his face. “You did what you thought was right, son, as you always do. And you always will.” They smiled at each other, and the tender affection in it made the Devil want to scream and punch both of them in the face. He lowered his eyes and clenched and unclenched his fists a few times, imagining how good it would feel. But it wouldn’t hurt Dad, only Ella, and he could hit Amenadiel anytime. He needed to focus.

He turned back to the woman speaking for his Father. “Why all the subterfuge, why not just talk to me?”

They sighed, lifting a hand, palm up. “Let there be light.” Ella’s hand began to glow for a moment and then faded. “ _I am_ God. When I speak, things happen, and you made it very clear how important your free will was to you. If I spoke to you directly, I might order you, or force you in some way. So I kept sending you little gifts, and waited for you to come to me.”

“So she’s a walking invitation now, doesn’t she get any say in this?”

“Of course she does. As I understand it, she had quite a lot to say in the beginning, but you ignored all that and kept pursuing her anyway.”

Lucifer’s eyes finally faded back to dark as he smiled. “She did, didn’t she?”

“So, this is the moment the prodigal son finally returns, is it?”

“Prodigal..!” His eyes flashed back to red. “He went off on a bender, you kicked me out!” 

“So you did hear that story then. It was meant for you.”

“Well, maybe you should have taken a bit more care to get the details right. I was banished, burning in Hell! Literally! Alone. You abandoned me, and all my brothers or sisters bowed to You and stayed away. Only the tortured souls and the demons to keep me company.” He took a deep breath. “You hurt me, Father. Which is why I’m struggling to see why you say you want me back.”

“I had a change of heart. I missed you… your music and light.”

Lucifer trembled, but when he spoke his voice was quiet and venomous. “You are fortunate that there is any of that left in me, after what you did.”

“And you are fortunate that I did not destroy you utterly for your insolence!” his Father roared. They glared at each other, eyes glowing red and white. The angels on either side of them were frozen, not daring to move or speak. Chloe couldn’t even manage to breathe. Astonishingly, it was the white light that faded first.

God inhaled and exhaled slowly, an automated emotional response driven by the body He inhabited. “I can’t just let you back. I can not let everyone think they can get away with whatever they want and I will just forgive them.”

“So what’s the price, then?” Lucifer asked, knowing that he would have to pay it.

“One day in Heaven, for two days in Hell.”

He clenched his teeth. But Chloe could see his father wanted him back, that there was room for bargaining.

“Mm-mm,” she shook her head. “No deal. Someone else can run Hell.”

Ella/Dad turned to stare at the walking miracle, amazed at her audacity. “No, they can’t. He is the only one strong enough.”

“Two days in Heaven for one in Hell, then,” she countered, meeting His gaze. _Oh my God. Like, literally this time._

Their lips twitched a little, as if trying not to smirk. “One for one.”

Amenadiel looked worried. “Father, it’s dangerous. All that back and forth will widen the gates, someone or something might escape. It happened with Mother.”

“No, it didn’t, I let her out on purpose. I sent her there to be with him, so they could be of comfort to each other. When I realised he was staying here I set her free.”

“You what?” All three of His children blurted. 

“I wasn’t expecting her to react as she did. You two handled it all rather well between you, it was well done.”

Lucifer swallowed. “So You didn’t send Uriel,” he said thickly. “Perhaps _You_ could have handled that better.”

The strangely shining eyes went steely. Chloe noticed Ella’s brow was glistening. “Perhaps that’s a discussion for another time, we are on the clock here. Can we focus on the main point?” They all looked at her. _Shit, I’m bargaining with four divine beings, each of them more powerful than… No, don’t go there, just think of Lucifer._ “So, for every day he spends in Heaven, he spends one day in Hell. And anyone who escapes Hell due to widening of said gates gets a second chance of redemption.”

God did a double take. “What? Where did that come from?”

Chloe tilted her head. “Lucifer tells me it’s a nasty place, and forever is a really long time. It might not be that anyone escapes, because of the whole guilt thing, but if they do, I want them to have a second chance. Like Charlotte.”

 _Oh, Detective, you are good,_ thought Lucifer, as he noticed his Father’s eyes misting over. It was a fitting tribute to His former lover.

“Agreed. Although, young lady, I have a feeling that you are going to turn Heaven completely upside down. Lucifer, I look forward to all the screaming matches we will no doubt have when you come home.”

“Heaven’s not my home anymore, Dad.”

He smiled. “That’s my boy. See you all soon.” And then He was gone. Ella started to collapse, but Azrael caught her and held her close, rocking her gently. Chloe dropped down next to Lucifer before her own legs gave way, leaning into his shoulder and holding his hand in both of hers, feeling the tension slowly leaving him. They all just sat there for a time, recovering from the intensity of the encounter. 

“Is that it?” she asked, after a long silence. “Did we just win?”

Lucifer found enough energy to smirk. “Not sure if half an eternity in Hell can technically be called a win, but it’s still an improvement on your plan A.”

Chloe smiled. “Not half. You didn’t spot my loophole?”

He looked at her, creasing his brow.

“Wow, I guess you didn’t. One day in Hell for each day in Heaven. I specifically didn’t mention any time you might spend on earth in between. I mean, this is your home now, right?”

Lucifer smiled, then chuckled, then placed an arm tightly around her shoulders. “You don’t mind? One day for me on earth will seem longer for you in Heaven.”

“As long as you keep coming back to visit me. I’ll need time to work out how to keep turning Heaven upside down.”

He kissed her once again on top of her head. “See, this is why I love you. Eternally surprising.”

Chloe chest swelled at the open declaration in front of his family, but she didn’t draw attention to it. Instead she glanced at her watch. “Well, I know technically it’s still not yet ten in the morning, but I feel like I missed lunch. Anyone else ready for food?”

“You mortals, always thinking with your stomachs,” Azrael said with a smirk. “But I think this one needs lots of food and rest. Prophecy takes a heavy toll.”

“Then why don’t you all head over to my place. Lucifer can cook. I’ll stop at the station to get the evidence back where it belongs, and then we can all eat. I think I need to start getting used to this weird-ass family of yours.”

“We’re not that bad are we?” Azrael asked.

Lucifer hummed. “You’re not, little sister. But the rest of them… Well, you will find out in time, Detective. Just stay away from Michael.” He sat up suddenly, grinning a Devilish grin. “If I’m going back, that means I can give him a proper arse kicking. And I’ve got the rest of your life to train for it. Maybe I’ll ask Dan to take me to the gym. No, that’s too easy. I’ll convert one of the downstairs rooms into my own gym. With obscene amounts of weights…”

He was still muttering about his planned regimen as Chloe pulled him to his feet and they all made their back through the crowd. She considered that perhaps a more muscular Lucifer might be rather pleasant, so long as he didn’t bulk up too much and ruin the sleek lines of his suits. Life with the Devil was not going to get any simpler, like, _ever,_ but simple would be boring anyway. 

Forever stretched out in front of her. Without Lucifer, it would have seemed so vast and empty. But the angel she loved would be there. Not all the time, thank God, because he probably would have driven her and everyone else mad, but enough to disrupt the tranquility of Heaven and keep things interesting. And she fully intended to live up to her Father-not-quite-in-law’s expectations and do some disrupting herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a fluffy epilogue very soon. Because I don't know about you, but I definately need one after all that.
> 
> PS- Disclaimer- this is purely fiction for entertainment purposes and does not reflect any of my actual religious beliefs. No offense is intended.


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if anyone chokes on all the fluff.

At first glance the place looked almost exactly like the Penthouse: the grand piano, the leather sofa, the windows around the silk-covered bed. There were a few differences though, places where Chloe had left her own imprint. The wall of alcohol above the bar had a few bottles that weren’t amber and one chilled shelf full of beer. The bar itself had mutated into an almost kitchen, with a stove, a fridge and cupboards for plates and actual food. One section of the library was filled with paperbacks and the glass coffee table was littered with case files. The steps up to the bedroom still had the glass mural on one side, but on the other the ancient stone had been replaced a smooth wall, now covered in crayon drawings which featured two detectives, a young girl, and a well-dressed man with red horns. There were also pictures of angels, a demon with half a face, and slightly blood-stained alien.

The biggest difference was not caused by Chloe’s influence in the Devil’s home from home. As she sat and looked out from the balcony, she marvelled as always at the sheer beauty of the view. LA had its own kind of beauty, especially at night when the electric lights competed against her lover’s stars, but it had nothing on this. The silver buildings rose and fell, dancing into an impossibly twisted skyline, and reflected the luminescence of their inhabitants. Every time she looked it was breathtaking. She would sometimes lose herself for hours- which was fine, because she had eternity.

She sensed Lucifer’s arrival before the elevator doors began to open, his presence igniting something in her soul. Scribbling one last thought on the file in her lap, she came back inside, dropping it with the others and sticking the pen into her messy bun. As he walked in and dropped a few more files on the bar, she poured him a glass of single malt, which he took with one hand while the other snaked around her waist. He took a sip before kissing her, a kiss that made her rise up on her toes and then melt into him. “I do enjoy these welcome back moments,” he grinned.

Chloe spent a few moments just staring at his face, revelling in his light. “How was work?” she asked, as if he’d just come home from day at the office.

“Oh, the usual. Screaming. Pleading. Ash.” He nuzzled into her neck, and then paused. “You seem to have forgotten the difference between stationery and accessorising.”

“You keep bringing more work.” She nodded towards the new files. “I’m still trying to clear the backlog.”

“I missed you, and I wanted to stay a bit longer this time. So I made sure I brought enough to keep you busy while I’m paying back the time. Go on, take a peek, I know you won’t rest until your curiosity is satisfied.”

He leaned back and enjoyed his drink as she went to open the folder on top of the pile. Anna Williams. There were photographs, transcripts and notes from her Hell loop- all the things that haunted her, that she thought she’d done wrong. Chloe would read all the details carefully, sift through what was fact and what was unnecessary guilt, and try to figure out if she was redeemable. If she was, then Linda or one of her team would insert themselves into Anna’s story, help her work out her guilt, and guide her towards the way out. 

“Maze is complaining you keep taking her toys away,” Lucifer said, pulling out the pen and untying her hair, settling it over her shoulders.

Chloe chuckled. They’d managed to save about a hundred souls so far, but they were getting better at the whole process, and their success rate was increasing. “She would. Although I’m pretty sure she’s getting shiny new ones all the time. I think maybe we should train up more therapists.”

“Apparently it’s difficult to get counselling experience in Heaven, because everyone is so perfectly content all the time. Which is why everyone in that pile was a psychologist in a former life.”

“So we rescue them and then ask them to work for us? Lucifer, that’s brilliant!”

“If we keep this up through the apocalypse, we might even manage to empty Hell completely. Then I can properly retire,” he joked.

She turned to him with a quizzical look. “What, you didn’t realise that was plan?”

“I had my suspicions. Just don’t tell Maze.”

“You know, I could probably work a lot faster if I could come down there and look around myself…”

He shook his head emphatically and gave her a tight squeeze. “No, not a chance. Not even if that place freezes over. You are my pure little miracle and I am not letting you anywhere near it. Giving you a glimpse in all these files is bad enough.”

“Explain to me again why Linda gets to visit and I can’t?”

“Because the good doctor has a much more flexible conscience. Also she’s a kinky little minx and you haven’t figured out how to get a demon up here yet.”

“Not yet, but I’m working on it. Trixie misses her too.”

“I still don’t understand why you don’t keep some of her more recent artwork. Her collaboration with Michelangelo was incredible. How did she talk him into it, do you know?”

“She persuaded him that because he was a miracle just like her mother, it meant that they were some sort of angelically blessed cousins. Then she started saying how you were practically her step-dad, and the suggestion that she might be able to persuade you to sit for him again was enough to get him to look at her collection. And of course once he saw her work, he wanted to work with her too.”

“Then why have I not yet been asked to pose naked?” he asked, confused.

“Because it’s Michelangelo, and he got carried away with something else. I’m sure you’ll get the invitation eventually.”

“Do you think we can get a copy if he does? It would be nice to have a picture of me without horns. And not done in crayon. Why did she never listen about the lack of horns?”

Chloe laughed. “She totally listened, she just kept doing it because she knew it drove you crazy. I keep those pictures because like them, they remind me of a very happy time. Our family may have looked a little strange to everyone else, but it was beautiful to me.”

“How is the little monkey, anyway?”

“Perfectly content, of course,” she said, with a trace of irony. Being perfectly content was the default emotional setting for humans in Heaven, and the idea of it seemed so boring and monotonous, but because she was so perfectly content it was extremely difficult to get upset about it. The worst part of it was that it left no room for desire, which was hard on Lucifer, and would have driven her to distraction is she wasn’t so bloody content about it. She still loved being close to him, enjoying the feel of his skin and his warmth, but the contentment left no room for that physical longing, the passionate urgency required for sex. She’d been nagging Dad about it for almost as long as she’d been here, and by the way that she felt with Lucifer’s fingers touching her back, she thought that perhaps He might have finally given in.

She looked down at her leggings and baggy jumper. “How about you go clean up and make yourself all beautiful while I slip into something less comfortable?”

“You could join me in the shower,” he whispered, “help me wash off some of the ash.”

Even though she knew he was only teasing, she felt the temptation. It curled with a delicious twist in her belly. _Oh, yes!_ Her face must have registered her surprise because he took a step back and looked at her again. “What is it?”

She smiled. “I’ve been working on a surprise for you. Let’s go get clean.”

 

Some time later. A thoroughly scrubbed and sated Lucifer sprawled across the bed, his head resting on Chloe’s belly. It had been forty years in Earth time, much longer in celestial time. She had said he could play in Lux as much as he wanted between visits, knowing it wasn’t fair to ask him for celibacy. He indulged from time to time, and it was fun, but he couldn’t stop imagining he was with her and more the once had to apologise for saying the wrong name in the heat of the moment. He’d missed this so much; nothing could compare to the passion between the two of them, the look on her face as she threw her head back in ecstasy, then the languid relaxation as they lay together, waiting for her to be ready to go again.

“Is this what Heaven was supposed to feel like all along?” he asked as she combed her fingers through his hair.

“Maybe. How are you feeling?”

“Perfectly content,” he laughed. “Smug as a blasted cat.”

“Yep, that’s the one.”

He rolled over, propping himself up on an elbow to look at her, tracing her curves with a fingertip. “This is real, isn’t it?”

His hope was an almost tangible thing, it buffeted against her chest. “After all this time, you still need to ask?”

A protective wing curled around her. “Right now, in this moment, I’m happy. Ridiculously, nauseatingly happy. Which is usually the point that something catastrophic happens to me. But for the first time I believe it might actually last forever.” It would have been an impossibly tragic statement, had it not been for what followed. “But that might just be because I’ve finally had sex in Heaven. However did you manage to it? I thought Dad was completely set against the idea.”

“He was, when I got here. But then I used one of my daughter’s old tricks. I kept asking, repeatedly and at great length, several times a day, every day, until He gave in. And, now that I can, I plan to make you this happy a lot more often.” She stroked his feathers, then examined her hand with a look of disgust. “And I’m going to start by getting all the ash out your wings.”

He groaned happily. “Would you? I will be _eternally_ grateful. They’ve been itching for ages. With all the to-ing and fro-ing I’m afraid they’ve been rather neglected.”

“I’ll go start the bath running again. Good job this place has an endless supply of hot water.”

He watched her as she left, knowing that she would be back. Knowing that she would always be back, and something inside him finally let go. She had changed everything- first his life in LA, then dear old Dad and now Heaven. He knew she wouldn’t stop until she’d emptied Hell, too. And until then, he had this: these perfect moments, filled with satisfaction and anticipation. Even returning to Hell didn’t seem so bad if he had this to come home to.

Was that it? Was this home now? He gazed up to see the room reflected in the ceiling. It did look like home. A new kind of energy was buzzing through him, and he considered what it would be like to set up a Heavenly version of Lux. Would that even work? Maybe, if the no sex rule was gone for everybody. The humans could certainly teach his siblings a thing or two about fun.

She came back, dressed in her own fluffy bathrobe, and he felt a familiar flutter in his chest. No, this place wasn’t home. _She_ was. The rest was just an added bonus. As long as he was with Chloe, he would be home. And he knew that she would be with him for eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more coming soon!


End file.
